Saturday, March 12, 2005

Danger, Danger – High Voltage!

Originally posted by The Realist

My ‘liberal-nightmare-alarm’ kicked in recently, at the discovery that people are claiming that they are being made ill by electricity. No, really. Apparently, electromagnetic-illness ‘sufferers’ are unable to work as they can’t go near offices. And that kinda got me thinking…

I also feel sick when I’m near my office, so I’m currently (hand)writing a letter to my always-keen-to-go-overboard diversity team, demanding a PC/BlackBerry/phone/fax-less office all to myself.

Once I’m settled in, I will no longer fear bumping into that guy from accounts who’s been pestering me about my company credit card bill. I’ll reassure him that all he need do is send me an email outlining, in detail, all of his concerns. He could mark it ‘urgent’ and CC my boss to boot. I don’t care – I’ll be doodling on my notepad all afternoon. If all else fails, I can just about see a courtyard from my window – perhaps he could send some smoke signals?

After the inevitable sacking for financial misconduct, I’ll start up a charity and organise people in luminous tops on provincial high streets with clipboards using the campaign motto ‘Help the electricity-impaired’. Can you imagine how well that would play in Romford? I could sell copies of the CCTV footage of the ensuing street fights and make a fortune if only I could operate the video.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

could you point me in the direction of more details of this 'electricity makes people ill' news?

The Realist said...

Sure, sorry - new to this and haven't worked out how to do hyperlinks yet. I'm not making this up - I wish I were!

Try:

http://www.metro.co.uk/metro/weird/article.html?in_page_id=4&in_article_id=20159

or

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/896316.stm

I saw it as a tv article on the Beeb about three weeks ago. I thought it was a joke!

Citizen Sane said...

Fear not Realist, I will add the necessary hyperlink to your post. I'll tell you how to do it some other time. . . .

Anonymous said...

thanks. Very bizzare article.

DJ Bob Hoskins said...

Very Brass Eye...