So, after three years of exhaustive research, consuming £3.69 million pounds of public funds, Lord Stevens and his team have come to the remarkable conclusion that Diana, the People’s Princess™ and self-proclaimed Queen of People’s Hearts died because her chauffeur was speeding while under the influence of alcohol and neither Diana or Dodi whatsisface were wearing seatbelts when the car collided with a support beam in a tunnel in Paris.
What a monumental waste of time and money spent investigating a traffic accident. And ultimately futile, too. It merely underlines the bleeding obvious to most of us, while making no difference to half-wits convinced that they were murdered by British spooks under the orders of (I can barely bring myself to type this) Prince Philip.
People who choose to take conspiracy theories seriously are so up to their arse in half-truths, bullshit-masquerading-as-fact and internet chat room piffle they are not going to believe any other account that pricks the bubble of their little fantasy world. Instead, they will simply view the findings of this report as yet another part of the conspiracy; another state-funded layer in the cover up. Just like 9/11 conspiracy theorists, people who think The Da Vinci Code is based on historical fact and others still obsessed with the shooting of JFK, there is little we can do to reason with these people short of smiling, nodding and hoping that they go away and leave us alone.
Conspiracy theorists everywhere: the world is far more complex than you seem to realise and governments are simply not efficient enough to cover up anything for very long, especially events of this scale. You are vastly overestimating the capabilities of the powers that be. Now please, shut up.