Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Death, where is thy Sting?

Ronald Reagan once postulated that the scariest words in the English language are: “Hello, we’re from the government, and we’re here to help.” But he was wrong, because the scariest words in the English language were in fact uttered last night by Sting at The Grammy Awards: “Ladies and gentlemen, we are The Police, and we’re back!” And not just as a one off horror show either, but (and we didn’t see this coming) a world tour and everything.

Bong! Hear the clanging chimes of doom! The end is upon us. The dead will rise up from their graves and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse will start greasing their saddles as Sting and his merry cohorts haul their sorry arses around the globe playing their hideous brand of reggae tinged rock/pop. It’s all described in the Book of Revelation. We are officially living in the end of days. Global warming? Meteoric impact? Nuclear Armageddon? Pah. They are all nothing compared to the resurgence of the beast Gordon Sumner belting out Roxanne yet again (because, apparently, she doesn’t have to put on the red light, put on the red light, put on the red light).

Oh, the humanity.

4 comments:

Devil's Advocate said...

I'm almost inclined to think that is The Realist writing under your guise...

Police: one of the greatest rock bands in the world ever. Period.

Citizen Sane said...

Oh no, all me. Although I know he shares my sentiments and he was egging me on to write this. The heading was originally going to be 'Sting, where is thy death?' but that's too harsh. He's not that bad.

Truth be told, I like quite a few Police tracks, but just cannot stomach Sting himself. He's such a relentlessly pretentious and self important arse.

The Realist said...

I honestly can't wait to get you two in the same room.

Devil's Advocate said...

"Come the revolution, Sting will be the first one against the wall to be shot" (The Realist, 2002)

I've never forgiven him since.